Strange Night or When UST attacks
by TenshiJaki
Summary: Its a strange night in the hellsing mansion. including bunny walter and pink loving aliens... abit AxSOOC


Strange Night – aka – What happens when UST runs amuck.

By Mistress Siryn

Alucard sat at Integra's desk smoking one of her cigars. Looking around the office he chuckled to himself at the state that it was in. Earlier that evening Integra had looked around it and decided that it needed to be more 'girly'. Having decreed this she sent Walter to the store to buy everything pink and fuzzy he could find. Needless to say the office now had a look that even Barbie, with her disgusting pink fetish, would puke at.

Farther down in the Hellsing mansion a young vampire was getting the shock of her life. Having woken up at sunset Seras Victoria had open the lid to her coffin bed only to discover that her room was completely full of packing popcorn. Trying to get out of bed and to the door through the sea of foamy white stuff (AN snicker snicker) she ended up falling into the mass and the only thing that could be seen of her was one hand still sticking out the top. Cries for help could also be heard however the evil insulated balls were making it impossible for anyone to hear the poor girl.

Meanwhile in Rome, in a white sterile room in the Vatican a middle aged man with long hair tied back at the base of his neck was looking in on their 'patient'. Father Anderson had lost his latest battle with Alucard and as a result his brain had been separated from his head. Currently Anderson was looking at his brain; due to the fact that he was a regenerator he could survive and function with out his brain in (duh). Finally having seemingly come to a decision Anderson pointed his hand at his brain cobra style and stated 'You're fired.' Maxwell left to find the doctors fast.

Back in England, Hellsing HQ to be precise, a large fuzzy creature was stalking through the halls. Well, it wasn't really all that fuzzy, only its ears, paws and cute bunny tail were, and it wasn't to large – the size of an average man to be precise, however it was stalking, or would that be prancing, though the halls of the mansion. And if said fuzzy creature at all resembled the Hellsings usually reserved butler and resident Angel of Death it was purely coincidental. Suuuuuure.

Inside Integra's office things for Alucard had gotten hairy. Not literally however, his hair was perfectly fine. However some strange men had shown up flashing 'ACME' badges and claiming that he was under arrest for pilfering, see stealing, many valuable and irreplaceable artifacts from a museum. When they had attempted to put handcuffs on him and sing at the same time, what in the world was a 'Carman SanDeiago' anywho, Alucard had been forced to shoot them all, repeatedly, for about five minutes, until the twitching stopped. Just to make sure of course. He was sure that Integra wouldn't be upset with the red stains on her carpet – they went so well with the pink.

"Pink."

"Purple."

"Pink"

"Purple"

"PINK"

"PURPLE!"

This… mentally stimulating conversation was coming from the first floor bathroom of the Hellsing house. Cloistered inside were the homes two resident long haired blondes.

"Integra, I am not, repeat not, going to let you dye my hair pink."

"But Pip, you would look soooo sexy in pink."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh"

"Well, ok then, but just the tips."

Giggling, ok ok, mad cackling, was the only response.

The large fuzzy bunny type creature, ok alright, Walter, had made his way down to Seras's room. Upon seeing the evil white invaders he went into kamikaze mode and was proceeding to wipe out the 'vermin' with a flame thrower. Luckily for Seras she was able to escape the foam massacre with only a few burnt hairs.

As normally happens in deranged fics such as this one, our two vampires managed to meet up in Alucards room. Alucard had escaped there when confronted with a pink haired mercenary and his own boss who was currently wearing pink kitty ears and holding a collar that she was oh so politely trying to get on Pip (meaning she jumped on him and proceeded to put it on him whether he liked it or not). Seras went there in hopes of finding a sane person, or at least someone who was not dressed like a Chippendale bunny, she was sure that the sight of Walter in a pink Speedo with only paws, ears and a tail on would haunt her for all of eternity.

"Master"

"Police girl."

"What's going on with everyone Master?"

"Well, from what I can tell pink loving aliens have taken control of everyone's brains."

"…!"

"Oh, I'm just joking police girl; honestly, everyone knows that we got rid of them years ago."

"Pink loving aliens?"  
"Of course, how else do you explain Britney Spears?"

"Well… now that I think about it that does make sense. But what about everyone now, what's wrong with them?"

"I pretty sure that its UST"

"UST?"

"Unresolved Sexual Tension"

"… … … …! squeak"

"Don't worry about it police girl, it should be all gone in the morning if what I saw earlier is any indication, besides, being the sensual creatures we are we don't have to worry about it effecting us."

"Um, ok… uh Master?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I could French braid your hair and put ribbons in it?"

Meanwhile elsewhere a certain werewolf, who looked shockingly like Seras but with ears, was attempting to hump a large mans leg.

Later that night…

"Police girl?"

"Yes Master"

"Have you gotten all of that UST out of your system yet?"

"I believe so Master, however perhaps we should give it another go just to make sure"

"I was just thinking the same thing myself. Come to daddy."

Many odd and not so unexpected sounds emanated from Alucards room that night and if any of the other residents of the Hellsing mansion thought it strange to hear growling, squealing, giggles and the occasional sound of a doggy chew toy they didn't mention the next day.

THE END

AN: I admit – I was on crack… I had found this picture on Deviant fanart site that had Alucard resembling Carmen SanDeigo and this fic is the result of me almost squirting soda out my nose. Plus, I can see Integra going over the bin and then painting everything pink, and for some strange reason I can see Walter in a skimpy bunny outfit lol.


End file.
